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The State of the Masq: January 10th, 2012

I set out my New Year's resolutions before NYE this year, but after a week of working on them, I want to scribble down a few first impressions.

Writing: I stopped doing my weekly updates in this LJ during NaNo, and just didn't start back up again in December. Partly because some weeks I have nothing to say. Partly because I don't think checking in here is the best way to motivate me to write. Simply writing doesn't require much external motivation; writing is like breathing to me. And I have accountability for my new novel through the Sculptor reading each new chapter.

As for the old novel, though, I am still figuring out how to motivate work on it. There's really no writing left to do--just marketing and publishing--therefore working on it is not fun. And the glory of seeing myself in print is so vague that somehow that doesn't fire me up, either. I just want it to be magically done.

I will continue to do LJ updates on my writing, but as I have something to say, not as a weekly thing, for now.

Home improvements: It's been a while since I posted on my DIY projects. Some of that is just, Oh, hey, I did it but I didn't post about it. Some of that has been that I gave that stuff up for NaNo and never got back into it, either.

I think what it is for me is that I have put quite a bit of effort and money into home projects to very mixed results, and so I'm less excited about DIY than I used to be. I still want a home that makes me feel good, and right now, it's a smidge Maiden-Aunt-meets-the-Addams-Family. Srsly. Dark. Dingy. Victorian furniture and lots and lots of bronzes and browns. Also, this year, I am more interested in spending my free time writing than DIYing.

So I contacted an interior decorator. I know, what? But after a while you throw up your hands and just want someone to come finish it already. So the ID came over Saturday morning for a walk-through/preliminary notes-taking session. The only rooms I need finished are the great room and my master bedroom.

She seems like sort of person who isn't going to make any decisions without my input, which is reassuring, but I got warning signals that she might have a tendency to think she's automatically right when there is a disagreement, 'cause she's the "expert." I have no evidence yet that she would bully me to have her way, but I feel this need to be cautious. I learned at an early age to back down when women in my life bully me, and I can't let that happen when it's my space. And it's about more than saying, "No." It's about insisting I want it X-way when she thinks X is horrible idea.

Work: Oy and oy. Last year, I just burned myself out. It's that thing where you want to make people happy, and the happier you make them, the more they come running to you, and the more they come running to you, the less work you get done. Not to mention coming home exhausted every night, too exhausted to write.

And that's not acceptable.

But changing this around isn't easy. It's my livelihood on the line; I naturally want to do the best job I can do. I made a list of all the behaviors I engage in at work that contribute to my overwork that I, myself, have any control over. One big one that keeps rearing its head, for example: clients not able to get a response out of my colleagues email me. Why? Because I write back. I guess I figure the job will end up in my lap eventually, so why make them wait for the bureaucracy to process their issue. I can get it started while the bureaucracy wakes up from its nap.

But see, that's essentially me volunteering to do the job. And that's me sometimes handling things outside the chain of command altogether so the bosses don't know how much I'm actually doing.

Another example: my boss indicated to me he would like to take certain responsibilities off my plate. Which is "Yay", right? Except I worry, because I know whoever inherits them won't give half the attention to these clients I do, and the clients will not be happy about that. But I really, really have to think about myself for a change. Which means I need to stop "adopting" certain clients as my personal responsibility. Trly.

So I am trying my damnedest to stick to the resolution where I don't engage in that list of behaviors I came up with.

Weight/health: I need to lose an extra three or four pounds put on during vacations and holidays last year. So the goal was to start using Weight Watchers' online tools, since they are free for Lifetime members if you can wheedle a code out of your Meeting leader every couple months. WW switched the way the calculate daily food allotments (their "points" system) right around the time I went on Lifetime status, so I never bothered to learn the new system. Now I am learning that system. One thing I can say for the on-line tools: you can't be quite as dishonest with yourself. Which is a good thing.
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That's about the it.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 11th, 2012 02:23 am (UTC)
I so hear you on the work front. I have the same tendency but it's very dangerous trap to fall into.
Jan. 11th, 2012 02:45 am (UTC)
It's taking a lot of self-control to ignore those emails. I find it easier to do if I just file them all in a folder rather than throwing them away. I'm so busy it really becomes out of sight, out of mind.
Jan. 11th, 2012 03:44 am (UTC)
good luck with all of it. I did see the art for the big novel but I didn't have time to really look at it
Jan. 11th, 2012 04:02 am (UTC)
Yeah, that got an amazing chirp of crickets, that entry. I hope it's not because people were too aghast about how awful they were to comment or something.
Jan. 11th, 2012 06:51 pm (UTC)
for me it's a matter of time. i didn't have time to contemplate an answer.
Jan. 11th, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
I was thinking people might supply off-the-cuff answers, but I guess they thought it required Serious Thought.

As long as they weren't cringing at the art itself.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )